All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
