He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
