my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
