what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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