I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
