u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I supernannyed him into submission
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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