is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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