literally had 100 drinks last night.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
