can we get nightvision for the apartment?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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