im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
