In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Randomize
