maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
