I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
