I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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