I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
