im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
