Cold hands, warm shart.
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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