Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
