Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
