I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
ok first of all what the fuck
God, I missed his penis.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
