Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize