he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Randomize
