Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
