Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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