at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Randomize
