I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
