I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
