oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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