Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
