Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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