OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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