Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
