Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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