Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
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This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
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If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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