she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
