He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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