Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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