do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
