just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
worst night to have a conscience
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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