OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
