hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
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Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
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I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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