thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
