She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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