how do flat chested girls get laid?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
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UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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