i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
