woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
