you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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