she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
