saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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