we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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