I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
As shirtless as possible
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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