WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
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im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
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My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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