thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Randomize
