I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Randomize
