i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
