Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
