just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
