I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
