I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
its not stalking. its research.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
