smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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