I puked a lego.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
