i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Randomize
