I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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