i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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