remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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