omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
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