woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
