New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Randomize
