Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
